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Thursday, 04 February 2010
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No one can escape...
...the drama of dealing with other people. Seriously. This is something that I am finding to be universally true wherever I go, and it can be put to the test.
Relationship drama - if you are single, it is inevitable that you get caught up in it. Perhaps someone's interested in you but you're not digging it? Drama. Maybe you want someone who just got together with someone else. Drama. And don't think that it ends when you're married. You now have in-laws, who are often the instigators of all kinds of drama. Thankfully, though, it lessens a lot when you're living away from them and are being independent. Oh yeah, and friendships count as relationships. Surely you've never had drama between friends...
School drama - if you are in college, you know what I mean. If it's not the classes and the professors, it's that one jerk who always sandbags you in your Rhetorical Theory class (oh wait, that's me, lol). Perhaps it's that everyone is talking and you just feel like you can't keep up. In graduate school, if you are a teaching assistant, you have all kinds of drama from grade-grubbing students, plagiarizers, and cheaters. Don't think that it stops when you become a professor, either. You will be competing with your colleagues, and you have to watch your butt and make sure you're publishing good stuff around the clock so you can keep your job and try to earn tenure. Oh, drama, you're even part of my education as I am writing about a play. Blergh!
Work drama - for me, this is the same as school drama. My husband has work drama because his boss is a crazy micro-manager. But a lot of people deal with crappy co-workers who are lazy, bosses who are harassing or on power trips, and administrators who have no idea what the heck is going on in the lower-levels. It is something that everyone has to deal with, even at really great jobs. Perhaps you've been asked to do something that's clearly not your job? Or maybe you're stuck with a work partner who relies on you for everything, or even a confessional cubicle-mate? Drama, drama, drama.
Church drama - For those of you who go to church, you know some of the petty squabbles that can happen in even the best of congregations. Or the small groups with the snub, superior "mentors" who are trying to guide people like you to vote Republican, because if you came to a better understanding of the Bible, you would of course understand where they are coming from (just kidding--but only partially). Perhaps the drama is within, because you want to better understand God but don't know how to do it. Or you feel that you're being called to do something, but you don't know how to realize it, make it happen. Drama may be an understatement. If you're an atheist, you also deal with church drama. Meaning--everyone wants you to go to church, and that creates drama.
Politcal and cultural drama - Oh, you've seen it. There's no need to name all of the bigots, racists, extortionists, criminals, and everyone else who causes this type of drama. We get caught up in this drama ourselves oftentimes and turn it into personal drama. And sometimes it was personal from the get-go and we just can't let it slide. Oh, Drama, Drama, Obama...(c'mon, laugh at the one joke in my post! Whether you like him or not, there is certainly plenty of it surrounding him)
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What's amazing is that isolating yourself from other people doesn't make drama go away--it just makes them talk about you while you're not there, whether it's good or bad. You can't hide from people forever. Sometimes you have to delve into the thick of the drama and try to resolve some of it. And sometimes you have to get away because the one person it's all swirling around is never going to figure it out.
I love my life, I love where I'm at. I love my husband, my church, my job, my school, and my in-laws. But I don't love their drama. I tend to try to avoid it and deal with it very selectively. The only drama I love is written by Eugene O'Neill and it is a play called A Moon for the Misbegotten.
What drama do you deal with, and do you cause it? What are your own theories on drama? And, because I'm a nerd, what's your favorite play?
Tuesday, 02 February 2010
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Baby dreams and nightmares
When I was about 19 years old, I started having dreams about getting pregnant. I think it might have been due to having an abstinence-only sex education in high school as well as the prevalence of teen pregnancies in my high school, but my first dreams about having kids were nightmares. I actually have an entire chronicle of baby dreams, and the other night, I finally had the baby dream that wasn't at least partially a nightmare. Don't get me wrong--I love kids and I love the idea of having them, but my subconscious did all kinds of weird things to me when it came to babies.
The first pregnant dream I had was when I was just out of high school. I had moved to college, had a tumultuous relationship with my then-boyfriend, and a terrible roommate. As I lay there one night, I dreamt I had an incredibly thin, tiny, sickly baby. Sort of like the baby-think-it-over dolls that my mom used for her FACS parenting class for high school--the one that was a crack baby. I'm certain I was a teenager, had no idea who the father was, and had already been rejected by my family. I remember being so scared, and nobody was with me as I gave birth. I cried, and as I sat there and held it, it broke in two and dissolved before my eyes. I was terrified, and think I woke up screaming with that one. Not a pleasant experience, and most of the dreams after it that I can't remember follow a similar pattern of the child dying because I didn't know what I was doing or it was inherently weak.
The next one (that I remember--I'm sure I had several more dreams very similar to the first during the next few years) occurred my senior year of college. It was the most vivid dream I've EVER had, and while not a nightmare, was still not my ideal situation to have a child. I remember sitting in a room with a beautiful baby girl who had emerald-green eyes and a happy smile. She was probably a few months old. I was at a party, but had gone to another room to breastfeed her. I could hear whispers from the other room talking about me, and they were saying things like, "She won't get any Christmas presents, she needs whatever she can get for the kid." And, "Poor girl, I was so certain she had her head on straight." I was upset about these people, but I didn't care because my baby was so darn beautiful. Then Justin (my current husband, and boyfriend at the time) walked into the room, came over and kissed my forehead and hers. I somehow knew that he wasn't the father (the baby was from a previous relationship--I have no idea how that subtly worked itself into the dream), but still loved us both unconditionally. And I loved him, too. I was happy, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.
After that dream, I remember waking up at 4:00 a.m. in my dorm room because I heard a baby crying. I woke up to check on her, and she wasn't there. I went back to sleep and forgot all about my dream until the next day, on my couch, when I remembered the whole thing. And I was devastated by the loss of a baby that had never actually existed. I knew what she felt like in my arms--they tingled where she should have been. I even cried for her, and cried for the fact that I couldn't remember her name. I had loved her, and she was only a dream. But I was hopeful that I would meet her again someday, that the dream was somehow prophetic and I would see her beautiful green eyes again someday.
Fast-forward to a year later. Justin and I were newly married, and remember having a dream where I had a baby with him and then went back to my alma mater, a Christian liberal arts college. I walked around in a crowded auditorium with my baby in one arm, showing off my ring with the other. I told everyone I saw, "It's okay, I'm married!" over and over. I guess some of my fears of the stigma of having a baby out of wedlock still haunted my subconcious.
And then there was a few weeks ago. I was in a hospital room, doing the typical "labor scene" where I was pushing Justin was holding my hand as I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. We were excited and happy, and that was that.
All of these dreams have revealed so much to me on my own attitudes towards marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, and love. And while I still am not *quite* ready to have children, I welcome the idea and the happy dreams that I now have. I know that any pregnancy would be very exciting for Justin and me, and we'd be happy to be parents. I feel like to a certain degree, my brain was already working through my fears of having children through these dreams, and I've overcome a huge barrier in my own mind, and for that, I'm thankful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy dream or nightmare? How would you react to or interpret such dreams in your own life (guys, you can answer this, too, but it would be a bit different, I'm sure)?
P.S. I actually wrote a piece of prose about the second dream right after I had it so I wouldn't forget it. Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in reading and I'll post it.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
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What to do when your GTA is sexy...I'll tell you.
I was reading through Datingish the other day and came across this post: http://www.datingish.com/720811524/what-to-do-when-your-professor-is-sexy/.
What was most surprising was the comments on how many people said that they wouldn't ever pursue a professor, but definitely had some hot Teaching Assistants (TAs) and Graduate Teaching Assistants (GTAs). Then they never talked to them again. Sad day! So what do you do when you have a hot TA/GTA and you're interested? As a current GTA, I'll try to answer this question for ya.
1. Don't be freaked out by age. Just because we're teaching does NOT mean that we're that much older than you (or at all older). Many of us get right out of undergraduate, or are only out a year or two, so we're your age! We just don't tell you because we want to maintain your respect. After all, we are your teacher. However, don't be shocked if we're only 22-23.
2. We'll be your friend, but only after the class is over. While we're teaching you to write papers or helping you in a lab, we're not gonna go out to coffee. Sorry. But when you're out of the class and you want to grab a beer, fine. If we see you in church or a social setting while you're still in our class, we'll probably wait for you to say hi and first so we don't cross any boundaries or embarrass you.
3. Facebook only after asking! I tell my students that if they want to add me on Facebook for any reason (whether they think I'm cool or just want to network in case they ever need a reference), they can AFTER the class. I will reject any friend requests before that.
4. Keep in mind that we probably don't think about you "like that" because we're not allowed to. Just part of the rules, ya know? But if you ask to grab coffee or hang out after the semester's over, you just might find that we'd like to get to know you better, once we think of it. Don't push too hard.
5. If you were horrible to us, even if you think we're hot, we NEVER want to see you again. Seriously, if you cheated in my class, heckled to no end (even if you thought it was flirting), or otherwise caused me any angst, don't even think you have a shot. We remember that crap.
6. It never hurts if you were smart. We're in graduate school and got teaching assistantships because we're pretty intelligent, okay? And most people like someone who's at least as smart as they are, right? So do well, work hard, and show us you're intelligent--then we'll remember you and be more likely to talk to you afterwards. (As proof, I'm still friends with the 2 smartest students I ever had. I don't think of them as my students any more, they're just my pals.)
7. Give us an honest TEVAL. Just because we're hot doesn't mean that we can't improve our teaching. Give us helpful criticism or praise on our teaching evaluations so we know what we're doing right and what we need to work on. Oh, and it's okay to say we're hot--we love getting the occasional "It was nice to have such a young, attractive teacher" comment. Boosts our egos.
Remember that we haven't been around for a million years like your profs. We don't have the same amount of degrees, and are more likely not to be married like many of them are. So say hi, stay in touch, and be cool. And keep in mind that if you like us, it's likely that it shows in your attitude and work, which will in turn make us like you.
Sunday, 24 January 2010
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The joy of (not) cooking.
As many of you know, I am a self-professed foodie. This week, I made homemade Pad Thai, Kung Pao chicken, pinto bean chili, and coconut shrimp with mango sauce for different dinners. They were all delicious experiments, and I'm certainly going to make them all again! However, I made one of my favorite meals tonight, and I'd like to share the recipe. You need:
- 2 slices of 100% whole grain bread. I prefer wheat.
- 2 tbs. crunchy peanut butter
- 1 1/2 tbs. sugar-free strawberry preserves
- 6 oz. skim milk
First, place the bread in a toaster and set to a medium setting--be sure not to burn it! That will ruin your culinary masterpiece. When the bread is toasted, place it on a plate and spread the peanut butter evenly all over one of the slices of bread. Be sure to get all the way to the edges of the crust. On the other slice, spread the preserves accordingly. Place the two halves together, spread sides facing the center. Cut the sandwich diagonally (this is very important), and serve with a glass of cold milk.
Because sometimes a little PB and J is all you really want for dinner.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
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The battle for gender: socially constructed or essential?
Awhile back, I said that I was going to write this post to explain the difference between the idea of Social Constructionism as opposed to Essentialism. I think that now is as good a time as any, so here we go!
So many times, I see two people arguing on Revelife or Datingish about the roles of women versus men. One says, "We're biologically different! Men are supposed to be stronger than women because that's how it's supposed to be!" The other claims, "There's no such thing as assigned gender roles--society creates those, not our genes!" And then there's no way they can talk to one another, because their fundamental assumptions about gender keep them from understanding the other's point of view. So, let's talk a little postmodern theory in order to sort things out.
First things first, there are two words we're working with: sex and gender. When talking about sex, we generally say "male" or "female" to denote biology. Sex is often considered a fairly static (unchanging) thing. The words man/woman and masculine/feminine are markers of gender. I'll get to defining gender in a bit.
Essentialists believe that sex and gender are the same thing, or at any rate are inseparable. Both arise from biology or nature or are "God-given" (read: both Christians and atheists and anyone else can be essentialists). Visible sex markers (penis, vagina), and gender cannot be separated. This means that you are either male or female and that you are biologically prepared to take on the gender roles of a man or woman. Essentialists usually believe in the binary of gender--there are two genders that are present at birth remain unchanged for life (minus surgery), and there is no territory between. Behaviors or appearances that do not fit these assumptions are viewed as anomalies or "unnatural."
In summary: There are males and females, and their biology and genes determines their gender.
Social Constructionists claim that gender (and sometimes sex, depending on how tough of a social constructionist they are) arise in social interaction and have no existence independent of social interaction; they are not grounded in "nature," the meaning of which is itself socially determined. The "constructedness" of sex and gender is made invisible by the normal workings of social life, so that they appear natural rather than artificial. According to social construction theory, gender is something that you can feel is an identity (how you and others view yourself), something that can be considered a role (what society expects of you), and as a performance ("acting" as a man or woman would act, which may be congruous or incongruous with your identity/sex)
In summary: This means that there is a sliding scale for gender which looks like the following--
Hypermasculine man----Androgynous-----Hyperfeminine woman
This means that everyone falls somewhere on the scale because very rarely do you have a man or woman who falls EXACTLY on either end. I would place myself at least several notches away from hyperfeminine though a few away from androgynous--I am very assertive and have some slightly more masculine traits.
Got it so far? Good.
Now, there are strong social constructivists and weak ones. Strong means that they basically believe that everything in our perceived reality is socially constructed--gender, class, race, religion, cars, stop signs, even sex (which I personally find hard to prove, though I'd need more research to look into it). Nothing is objective in reality because we always have an influence on it somehow to "create" meaning for it.
Weak social constructionists acknowledge that there must be some actual institutions that are not influenced by society--there ARE trees, cars, and sidewalks that are objective reality, things that can be proved empirically.
So, the next time you hear this argument regarding men and women, it's because there's a deep divide between those who are Essentialists, and those who are Social Constructionists. Keep in mind that Essentialists do believe that the differences between men and women are basically due to genes, biology, and if you believe, God. If you acknowledge that society has any role in gender other than to reinforce sex, you are probably a Social Constructionist.
My opinion? I am a Weak Social Constructionist. I think it's necessary to note the difference between sex and gender rather than saying everyone who doesn't feel that they are really completely a man or woman an "anomaly."
So weigh in--where do you find yourself in this debate? Have I helped enlighten you on these viewpoints?
True-
If I could, I would invite you over, make a meal for you, and we'd talk long into the night about life, love, and the universe. I'm just a married grad. student trying to make it to May, enjoying everything that comes along until then.
Pulse
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For those of you who feel rather critical towards Obama--do your taxes. My husband and I are feeling rather thankful for tax credits.
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I am making some serious breakthroughs in my research for my Master's project. Yippee! Hooray for Irishness! Hooray for O'Neill!
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Planned and shopped for meals this week with _Cooking Light_ and the DS cooking game! Pad Thai, coconut shrimp, fish tacos, and more! Yum.
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